Lighting a candle on יום כיפור

2 מנהגים both same purpose, פוסחים נג:, both מנהגים are for the purpose of מניעת תשמחי as it says ועמך כולם צדיקים ירשו ארץ the question is only the tactics is it more effective by having a light on שאין אדם משמש מאות לאור הנר. Or is it better to not have a נר so not to create desire. 

We have taken this concept today and went off the rails. Today we say that it is better to allow תשמיש for שלום בית purposes. Then we will go and quote ועמך כולם צדיקים ירשו ארץ. To justify acts that are against the Torah but that are, in our perverted minds consistent with the spirit of the law. That is a slippery slope....

Honoring ones Parents

The מצוה of כיבוד אב ואם is mentioned in the middle of עשרת הדיברות, between the מצוות that are בין אדם למקום and the מצוות that are בין אדם לחברו chazal say 3 שותפים באדם. The reason maybe that it is considered in both catagories is because normally the מצוות בין אדם לחברו are part if a normal social contract but one is not obligated to allow himself to be abused. As the blind man said when people were helping him "it's nice that they are helping me but I am not a לו לב, meaning treat me nice because I'm another human being not because I am a "חפץ של מצוה". However, a parent is actually like a לולב, he IS a חפץ של מצוה. A child IS obligated to take abuse from his parent and that obligation is aבין אדם למקום obligation.

Davening - prayer

The פסוק saysויצעקו בני ישראל אל ה'ב then afterwards ה' says to stop davening and just travel. Rashi says that when they davened "תפסו אומנות אבותיהם בידיהם" which seems like a wonderful thing. The מהר"ל in גור אריה says that in fact that was the problem because they didnt daven because they felt the need to daven from within themselves but rather they davened because, as Rashi says, They knew that when it is an עת צרה one davens as did Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov. The davening was on a basis of תפסו אומנות אבותיהם בידיהם and not a personal realization that a person has to connect to ה when he is in trouble. The מהר"ל in גור אריה says that this is similar to תוספות in חולין that says that today's עבודה זרה is not אסור like the עבודה זרה of old because the gentiles are not really serving עבודה זרה but rather תפסו אומנות אבותיהם בידיהם.

The מהר"ל is saying that even though they davened because they knew that its what is supposed to be done in an עת צרה their davening was responded to by a response of אתם תחרישון because תפילה does little if it is not done totally from within.תפילה must be an inner cry to ה' and not performed like other מצוות  where אומנות אבותיהם is actually a positive attribute. Both עבודה זרה and תפילה are considered עבודה. Chazal say איזו היא עבודה שבלב זוהי תפילה something that by definition is an עבודה must come directly from the heart otherwise it doesn't fit the definition of what it is. There are actions that require כוונה, there are actions that don't require כוונה. There are some actions that don't necessarily require כוונה  but are considered better with כוונה. However תפילה doesn't fit any of those categories. תפילה needs to have כוונה by its very definition. תפילה has to be a cry from one's soul for it to be considered תפילה just like עבודה זרה needs to actually be with intention of serving a different God otherwise it doesn't fit the definition of עבודה זרה. The act itself in both these cases is just a manifestation of a person's inner soul but the actual deed is the feeling inside the person's essence.