Serving God

. הִשָּׁמֶר לְךָ פֶּן תִּנָּקֵשׁ אַחֲרֵיהֶם אַחֲרֵי הִשָּׁמְדָם מִפָּנֶיךָ וּפֶן תִּדְרשׁ לֵאלֹהֵיהֶם לֵאמֹר אֵיכָה יַעַבְדוּ הַגּוֹיִם הָאֵלֶּה אֶת אֱלֹהֵיהֶם וְאֶעֱשֶׂה כֵּן גַּם אָנִי:לֹא תַעֲשֶׂה כֵן לַיהֹוָה אֱלֹהֶיךָ

Chazal describe this Pasuk as a prohibition against different forms of Avodah Zarah. However the Ramban has a unique approach. The Ramban explains that it is usual for the vanquishers to adopt the tools of the vanquished for their own purposes. It would therefore be expected that the Jews would want to conquer the Avodah Zara's in Eretz Yisrael and then adapt the methodologies of the Avodah Zarah service for the service of God. The greatest honor of a conqueror is to snatch the crown of the conquered and place it upon his own head. This,  the Torah prohibits. Israel may not adopt the nations forms of worship and incorporate them into the service of God. The prescription for the service of God is very explicitly given in the Torah. No matter how honorable one thinks that his service would be to God, it is forbidden unless done to the exact specifications given in the Torah. 

This concept is very apropos in our contemporary society. We see a lot of behaviors in society and try to incorporate them into our service of God. We are trying to give them a "spiritual" makeover. This is what the Ramban is saying that the Torah is warning us against. Don't, for example, copy their silly party's and put a "spiritual" spin on it and feel that you have just done God a great big favor. This problem is pervasive throughout our contemporary American society. 

The Pasuk says "Mamrim Heyisim im Hashem Elokeychem". To further the point above. The word "Im" means with. How are we being obstinate "with" God? By using God as part of the party. We ask God to join our party and convince ourselves that he is with us as we copy the nations of the world. 

Aveilus

בָּנִים אַתֶּם לַיהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵיכֶם לֹא תִתְגֹּדְדוּ וְלֹא תָשִׂימוּ קָרְחָה בֵּין עֵינֵיכֶם לָמֵת   

Ramban quotes Rav Avraham ibn Ezra as saying that this is an  issur to harm ourselves in mourning over a deceased close relative because we believe that everything that happens to us is a godly decree for our own good. We don't necessarily see how or why it is to our benefit but we must believe that God is all good. However, why then do we have  a mitzvah of Aveilus. It is a positive commandment to mourn a close relative. Mourning includes sitting on the floor rather than on a chair during the period of mourning. One is not allowed to bathe for pleasure or groom him/herself during the mourning period. Why then does the Torah mandate that we not cut ourselves or act out any of the other signs of mourning described in the Pasuk above?

Rashi in Tractate Succah 26A explains the Talmud's statement that one who is occupied in mourning is still obligated to perform other commandments. The Talmud states that although one who is occupied performing most commandments is exempt from other commandments, one who is occupied in mourning is occupied in a "Voluntary Occupation". Rashi explains that mouring is a "Voluntary Occupation" because "Although one who is mourning must sit on the floor and not bathe, he is not obligated to mourn per se but rather to show respect to the dead relative". 

Rashi is saying something very fundamental. Rashi is explaining that although one must mourn, the reason is not to feel obligated to feel sad but rather act sad. The Torah is not mandating an emotional response to a relative dying but rather mandating a show of respect to that relative. Respect is to show that I care about a close one and will not go out and party soonafter he dies but rather show that I experienced a loss and reflect on that person's life. 

Rav Avraham Ibn Ezra is taking this concept a bit further. Ibn Ezra is saying that the Torah wants you to respect that dead relative by contemplating his life but not allowing you to harm yourself in mourning which would show an unhealthy attitude towards God's decree. Cutting oneself is a sign of hurt that insinuates a greater disappointment in God's judgement that creates a negative attitude. We must show respect for God and respect for our loved one simultaneously by mourning in a halachic manner.